"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares."

They told me I'd fall someday and when I did fall finally, I'd fall hard and fast. They said you never forget your first love - you'll experience both joy like you never thought possible and despair that seems never ending. Sleepless, breathless, boundless, can't concentrate, can't stop thinking of you, feeling crazy, mad, obsessive, tormented. Addicted. Can't step back from this cliff despite the danger. I know I'm not your first love, most likely not your last - I can't have your past nor do I covet your future but for now, love me a little. I could almost be content with that....almost.

Under Construction

Caution tape and scaffolding. Soul under construction. Somewhere along the way something in me was damaged and I never noticed until you. You are ruthless, a bright light seeking out my weakness; I cannot bear your heat but crave it all the same. I thought I was strong until you touched me, walls I didn't know I'd built shattered like spun glass, melted like sugar. I am left naked, exposed and breathless, elated and devastated all at once. You demand so little which seems like everything to me. I don't know how to reveal my secrets, reveal myself, but somehow I know, without a doubt, that I will regret it the rest of my life if I don't learn. I'll lose you, lose myself. Utterly.

Do you know what you have done? What you are doing? Why choose me? What do you see in me? The same things I thought I knew about myself? Why am I suddenly so unsure? Suddenly feeling like I don't know myself at all and at the same time on the verge of discovering who I could become? I have never feared disappointing someone quite so much: I feel young and foolish, my experiences suddenly seem mundane when set next to yours. You both inspire and paralyze me. I feel as if I have always known you and will never know you. There are times when you look at me like I'm everything and times when your eyes go cold-suddenly a stranger- and I am nothing. Nothing except who I am, who I will always be, who I can yet become, regardless of whose eyes may look at me like I'm everything or nothing.

When I met you I said you were my catalyst. I did not realize at the time how true those words would prove to be. So go ahead, tear down the scaffolding, disregard the caution tape, reveal me to myself. My soul is under construction but I am strong enough to learn. Strong enough to grow.